Aletheiatalk

My name is a paradox, I reached for hope time and again, but it failed me. Having Faith after a series of misfortunes was rather difficult. As the first child in a Nigerian home, there are a lot of demands and being a daughter is a further disadvantage. Maybe my mother was a believer, else why would she have had six children in this country? Why was she so full of joy, while we lived in poverty? Well, the hope that led her to name me Faith was short-lived as she died while her last child was barely two years old. Our father was only present long enough to father babies. With no male child, he was out of the picture immediately after her death.

At the age of 15, I became a mother to my five siblings. I had an aunt who was decent enough to teach me to hawk drinks until I was old enough to hawk my body. I faced a lot on the streets: hunger, abortions, molestation, but the story is always “na who dey r**pe ashawo.” I made sure my siblings didn’t taste this life. I had faith that they would make something of their lives; that was the only Faith that seemed to manifest.

My siblings went to school with my tears and blood. They got respectable jobs in the society, but when they tried to take me off the streets, it was already in my blood. The scars ran soul-deep, piercing through my spirit. I didn’t believe that any of the good in the world included me. All the money they gave me was spent on drugs and alcohol to quiet the demons I had embodied, the voices of my children that were never born. I didn’t become a junkie, but a sadist, one with no hope even though my name is Faith.

Meeting Christ was the last thing I expected. A new family moved into the neighbourhood and they began fellowships on the weekends and would sometimes hold vigils long into the night. The songs they sang sounded like love songs to God, songs not to make requests but to stir His love. These songs gave me peace; I’d sit and listen, and the songs gave me respite from my demons. I’d stay up late with them, wondering how God must have been feeling listening to them.
One day, I began speaking to God. It was mainly curiosity, asking Him if He enjoyed the songs they were sending His way. I asked if my mother loved Him like that too. She never used to sing such songs, but she had great faith that God had a plan for us.

These questions became frequent long after the songs ended. I would sit into the night talking to God, asking Him if my children had returned to Him or if He knew of the life I lived. I spoke to God because it gave me peace, but I never believed He heard the ramblings of a sinner like me, so, when I heard the voice, I cried. Early in the evening that day at the start of the fellowship, I was about to leave the house because I wanted to meet a foreign client in his hotel room. After about 10mins of fellowship time, I opened the door to leave, and I heard “Stay, don’t go.”

I knew who it was immediately. Was He speaking to me? I hadn’t even stopped my trade; I was still a chronic sinner. But He wanted me to keep talking to Him.
I cried for three days straight. I didn’t eat, drink, or leave the house. The more I cried and poured out my heart, the more He spoke to me. I had never felt such love. The love was so profound, so filling, and so thick. By the second day, I started singing the songs I had learned back to Him. The love from Him was so deep, I had to love Him back.

After the third day, I felt light-headed, like I had left earth and returned. I went to meet that family. I opened up to them, told them my story, and how I came to meet Christ. They embraced me as if they had known me before. They taught me all they knew about the Lord, gave me a Bible, and invited me to their church.

My conversion journey wasn’t a bed of roses. I struggled with lingering addictions, self-doubt, and the consequences of my past life for a long time. However, I am grateful for my growth and for getting to know Christ daily.

My story is this: My name is Faith. I lost faith in men and life, but my Lover and Creator found me in the depths of darkness and brought me into the light. Now, I have faith; I am Faith!

Hallelujah!