Other People

Other People focuses on stories on acquaintances, neighbours and regular people you come across. Relating with them can change your life or theirs.

The workplace and your culture

The Workplace and Your Culture

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Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes 39 seconds

It is one thing to work for money and another to earn money while doing what you were purposed to do. John discovered his purpose early in life and built his passion around it. At a young age, he has risen to great heights in the banking sector. John is different from his colleagues, making an impact on many lives and businesses. He comes up with mindblowing innovations and ideas.
John is the perfect example of a driven man. 

John is also one of those guys that appear to be the perfect catch – he is very handsome and has a creamy chocolate complexion. He is a head taller than most people, and his velvety voice can command a room full of people. Being a passionate believer who has also discovered his purpose is more than icing on the cake. Yet, with all these qualities, Sophia has refused to give John an affirmative answer to his marriage proposal. Sophia believes that all bankers are stingy, and she doesn’t think John is an exception. 

Of all the reasons that could exist, this was the last John expected to hear. They have been in a relationship for two years, and John has been nothing but generous to Sophia and people in need. He cannot understand how stinginess is the reason why his babe will not marry him. Yes, he keeps himself accountable to every kobo he spends, which is a side effect of his job, but he thought this was a good side effect. One should be responsible, right? 

Sophia is torn apart. “Did I waste the last two years of my life with this man? Lord, is this his purpose in life? Can’t he change to another job?” She comes from a family of bankers, and they are all stingy. John can’t be an exception. He is spending this money on me to convince me that he is different. The way John takes account is also proof of that. He definitely is a stingy man. Why did I fall in love with a cheap man? Can’t he become a lecturer or something? He should change his profession! Even if he is generous at the beginning, he will change soon after.

Can a person’s profession determine their behaviour? 
Is there a particular way lawyers behave?
Do all doctors have the same culture? 
Are teachers known to have the same value system?

When we began this culture series, we defined culture as an acquired belief system. It is a set of values you grow and nurture over time. It is possible that a group of people working together can be said to behave in a certain way and manner. Especially since they chose that career consciously, you can say they are likely to have many things in common. Even if they might not display similar traits at the beginning, they might acquire it after working in that profession for some years. 

This brings up the need for people to be very intentional about their value system.  Know this, once your value system becomes threatened by your association with a group of people, whether colleagues or friends, it becomes a cause for concern. Evil company corrupts good morals – this is a true saying. The company you keep can influence your attitude and morals. If all your friends are bullies, you may indeed have some bullying tendencies. 

What is the way out? 

  1. Build a strong foundation around your belief system. Don’t just decide to be kind, have a reason for being kind. Research past people that were kind and those that weren’t kind, and draw up conclusions from your research to create a value system so that you won’t question your choice some 20 years down the line. 
  2. Isolate yourself from people who have opposing values. If you want to create the right culture for yourself, be careful of contamination. In the process of making some beverages, they are cultured in jars for some days, and if a fly were to enter one of the jars, it could serve as a contaminant. A tiny fly can make litres of a drink useless. Before you join a company, find out if their culture will serve as a contaminant to yours. Before you make a friend, find out their value system.
  3. Protect your value system. After you have created your personal culture, you will need to build a protective shield over it. Sometimes, you may have to work with someone with very opposing values, so you will need to learn to uphold your values and also work productively with the person. Please note that this is not a license to go around hating people with opposing values. On the contrary, you should love them. You just need to believe in your culture so much that no amount of pressure can cause you to waver.

I have guided us on how to create a reliable belief system. Now, I will plead that you are wise on whatever belief system you choose to create. Think of your Maker and think of your future before you create that belief system.

My supervisor hates me

My supervisor hates me

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The Worker

When we were entering the university, the future we envisioned involved a mansion, a sweet car, sweet wife and sweet children. We planned to get a job immediately after graduation, live the baby boy life for two or three years. Then, get married, have children, work for five more years then retire young. Great bliss!

That dream has shattered. This role as a Quality Assurance officer is doing everything within its power to kill that vision. The saddest part is that the role sounds very dignified, yet all I do daily is manually check the bottled drinks the company produces. Then I check if the packaging is wrinkled or smooth, I ensure the juice is at the right level and that the expiration date is correct. This life is not close to the one I envisioned.

My boss is a sad man; he is so obsessed with being evil, he nags at me every single minute. He is not related to the owner; he does not have shares in the company, yet he has decided to add more misery to this already miserable job.
I work harder than anyone in my department, I work the longest hours, and my supervisor says I am not productive enough. I have developed great muscles from working in the factory. With all my hard work, I am the only one from my set that is still at this level. It is embarrassing seeing new entry-level staff getting promoted before me. My supervisor is just a wicked man; maybe those people are bribing him to be promoted.

The man hates me; I have been here for two years now, the same position, no promotion, no nothing. Then Henry joined less than a year ago and has been promoted. I know it is because they are from the same state. That man is very partial. See me here wasting my life, working so hard and yet its is not yielding anything. I heard he is planning of kicking me out of here, what did I ever do to deserve this?

…

The supervisor

Why I still volunteered to raise these new entry staff is beyond me. Well, I want to ignite the true passion in them, but somedays I feel like terminating their contracts. What do they want out of life, what exactly is their goal, to work in Quality and Inspection Unit all their lives? That boy John is the most frustrating. He is bent on wallowing in his sorrows; he can not think. John puts in the most effort in the team, but a lot of effort without results could be synonymous to manual labour.
I need him to come up with ideas, the world is innovating, but this guy is bent on leaving things at the level he met it. Even when I introduce an innovation, he struggles with it and prefers to work twice as hard using traditional methods. I have never worked with such a person before; he is killing the passion of the team. I honestly think John is the problem; he has to go. Two years and he can not even advance to data entry; he is a blockhead when it comes to technology. He is so excited to prove that paperwork is better than computer work. I will not want him to influence these new people and make them think that hard work is better than smart work.

He thinks I hate him; everyone in the team is advancing to new levels, yet he is the only one stagnant. Blinded by the amount of effort he puts into his work, he does not see that effort alone did not build this company. It took smart thinking; it involved minds who could proffer solution. John is too busy trying to assess the cause of his problem that he can not think of a solution. He is beyond the stage of advice, he keeps trying and trying, but he is not moving forward. I would give him only one more month to improve, else, he can go to a small company interested in little or no innovation.

“Performance more often comes down to a cultural challenge, rather than simply a technical one.”
– Lara Hogan, Senior Engineering Manager of Performance, Etsy

A common dissatisfaction people struggle with is evolved around their place of work. It feels like no matter what they do, they remain at the same spot. One question I have to ask is this, is there one person who is growing in that office? If yes, what is that person doing to thrive? The fact that you may not be growing at a place of work is mostly a result of the cultural difference you have with the company. A company has the identity of a person and has its unique personalities. The way you would need to gel with a new friend, you would need to gel with a company. Please take a look at your company, what are her core values, what is the acceptable mode of communication? If you can not get yourself to walk hand in hand with the company, I advise you to find another job.

It is a common belief that corruption is the only way forward, and those not willing to be corrupt suffer in many organizations. A study has shown that in such environments, a percentage of the staff that ends up growing did something very right and was indeed not corrupt. Some of the problems for stagnancy at the place of work are;

  • Lack of innovation
  • A lot of complaints
  • Lack of passion
  • Handwork with no brain work
  • Inability to profer solutions to problems
  • Poor communication
  • Failure to sync with the company culture

The dodged people that grow within a harsh climate have decided to make a change in that organization. They note the existing problems and proffer solutions rather than complain. They also use people skills to ensure they approach management with the right attitude to make sure their ideas are accepted. They are those people who would be said to have “excess ginger”. They are intentional in making a difference; they are those employees that would go the extra (unasked) mile to make something happen. At that time, most of those people are working to make an impact, not working to make money.

If you figure out that you are not growing as expected, please check yourself. The environment will never intentionally support your growth. Even in winter, some plants survive. You can thrive irrespective of your work environment, decide to grow today.

Becoming my neighbour

Becoming my neighbour

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My neighbour is one bitter old woman; she is always angry. It’s like she is constantly looking for how to piss me off. If I greet her, she looks at me with these blank evil eyes.

See, all of that is not even my business. If she likes, let her be bitter. What angered me was the incident that happened last month, I was really upset. This woman is actually a witch. I ordered a new laptop from an online store, the specs were very high – a 16GB RAM Core i7, so you can imagine the price. The delivery was to happen while I was at work so  I stopped by this woman’s house and begged her to collect it for me. She said some words of agreement, so I was greatly encouraged.

I am literally still pissed anytime I think of this story. Can you imagine she told the delivery man to drop that expensive laptop by my doorstep? Rain fell and ruined it before I got back home. A witch! I tell you, she is a witch!

She never even apologized till date, probably that’s why her husband drinks, so he can cope with the sorrow she gives him. He is almost never around, I don’t blame him, poor man.

We all have that one neighbour or colleague or friend that seems to spend every energy trying to piss us out. It’s like they live for the moments when we are upset. It feels like they have a planner on their refrigerator door for “100 ways to be annoying”, or they have these gatherings they attend where they give feedback on how many people they could offend that month.

To live with such people makes me wonder, are they really evil, or are they reacting to their environment, family or life?

The neighbour

Just one more day. Today is just one more day, Carina. We will surely live through this. Even if we die, [voice breaks] well, we thank God. Fifty-eight years isn’t too young to die these days. Life played a funny joke on me. Why didn’t my mother name me Marah? Haha, my name is a joke.

At least, one good thing about being 58 and looking 65 is that my mother-in-law will stop asking for a grandchild. If I couldn’t pop babies then, well, I definitely can’t now.

That pig of a husband should have actually slept around when I was young enough to chase the women away. Well, maybe he had some faith in me, how sweet. If he beat his little whore the way he constantly beat me, would she take in? He would never tell his mother he beat out the only two pregnancies we had, no we can’t talk about that, can we? I have always been the witch eating up my children, maybe I am [bitter laugh]. Maybe they came and saw their foolish mother keeping face in this hell of marriage and ran. My father is a Chief, the collaboration our marriage brought to his company is the only thing everyone cares about. My mother says, “No marriage is perfect!”, “Can’t you learn to be more understanding?”, “Your father still beats me, but I had four children. Carina, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s all your fault. Don’t bring shame to us, stop complaining!”.

I think they are right, I am not the first woman to be beaten by her husband and I don’t hear anyone else whining. Lots of my mother’s friends are in this same situation yet they all have children. I must be the one with the weak body, it’s truly my fault. My husband has been more than fair; when that harlot moved into our home, he rented me this apartment in this good neighbourhood. I don’t have to return to my father’s house at my age. He must love me, that’s why he still visits once a week, I must definitely satisfy him, more than that 24-year-old witch.

He still loves me with all of my faults. Even my neighbour hates me. Well, why shouldn’t she?  The day her delivery came over, my husband was home and he was drunk, accusing me of cheating. When he saw a delivery man knock at the door, he went in to get his belt. I had to tell the delivery man to leave immediately. I would have carried the package after he left, but this 58-year-old body doesn’t recover quickly any longer. While I was trying to treat my wounds, I hoped the delivery man was wise enough to keep the package in a secure place, but no, he was very dense.

Stop thinking too much, Carina. If your family doesn’t love you, why expect too much from a stranger you haven’t bothered to treat right?

From observation, I have come to the conclusion that those mean and evil people around us, those bitter people that want to frustrate our lives are just reacting to life. Please remember, I have no aim of supporting wickedness, I am only trying to make us hear the other person’s story. Sometimes, sit down and talk about it. Shout and scream if you need to. But also, try to listen to what the other person is not saying. Carina in this story was defeated mentally – she felt she was to blame for her bad marriage, for her children dying, and for her family not loving her. She became bitter and she believed she didn’t know how to love. Some people get to the extreme stage of intentionally inflicting pain on others and by this stage, they most likely have a mental disorder. Remember, mental disorder is a sickness, a sickness like malaria or cancer, but only that this time around, the thinking faculty is affected. The solution would be to get medical help, not to hate them.

Please, it’s not in your place to find a cure for such people. Contrary to what you may think, you aren’t capable of finding a solution. Please, advise their family members to get professional help.